we have officially lost it.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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