i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
