i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm at about main and main street
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
