dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
