We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Randomize