cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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