so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
