no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
