OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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