we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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