There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
