dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
