is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
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