i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
