What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
