Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
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i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
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It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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