Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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