in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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