Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize