so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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