I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
