When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
home. puking in laundry basket.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
