I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
