If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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