I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
