Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
