Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
