So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
