I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
