I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
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