He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
