I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
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