i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I looked at my own cervix.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Two words: blizzard sex
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
