I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
