woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
