I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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