We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
