Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
