carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
