1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
