wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
