guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
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I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
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Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize