You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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