Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I love you. Go after that dick
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
