I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
