he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
