Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
