just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
