Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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