Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
A bitchslap is in order.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
