He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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