plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
