That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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