My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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