Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
