his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
