I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
