My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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