Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
