when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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