Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
