I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
