The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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