If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
