my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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