A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
