The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
MIDGETS
????
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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