Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
