I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
