I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
