You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
