OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
