just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
