Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
