She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
