Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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