saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's blow job season.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
