God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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