i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
I told him it was alright.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"