is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Everything about him screamed your future.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
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Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
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And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.