pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks