Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
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Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.