We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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