I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
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the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
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His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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