I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
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He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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