how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I am full of burrito and curiosity
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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