I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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