onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I FOUND THE LEGS
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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