R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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