NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
