if i can run in heels then i can drive
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
